What inspired you to write your memoir?
The Story behind writing Loving The Addict started out in the beginning as a jotting down of thoughts and feelings in a journal , as self therapy to cope with what had happened to me. Being that this was my true story and one that I felt needed to be told, it was far from difficult to write. My Book “LOVING THE ADDICT” Has Such A Heartfelt Meaning To Me. This Journey Began When I Was Diagnosed With P.T.S.S. (POST TRAUMATIC STRESS SYNDROME) After Being Beaten And Being Left For Dead By A Drug Addicted Alcoholic Former Boyfriend. Part Of My Recovery Was Keeping A Cathartic Journal To Help With The Healing Process Subsequently My Journal Became My Book LOVING THE ADDICT .
This book was written to let other women who are being abused, or in an abusive relationship know that they are not alone, That no matter what the circumstance is, there is a light at the end of what seems to be the darkest tunnel..
About your Book:
Loving The Addict Is based on my true story. It is a memoir of my 5 1/2 year relationship with my ex boyfriend who was addicted to drugs and alcohol. It tells the story of the emotional and physical abuse I endured during our relationship. This book contains everything from love, lust, sex, violence , obsession, betrayal, deceit, drug lords, drug and alcohol addiction, police chases, thievery , physical, and emotional abuse, hostage situation, and ultimately my survival . It is
How did you decide how to publish your book and where is it published through:
I published my book through IUniverse Publishing Company.
The reason I chose to self publish my book rather then go through a traditional publisher , is that I wanted my story to be told through my own words. After talking with countless publishers I realized that if I wanted my story told the way I wrote it then my best choice would be to self publish.
How do you see writing a Memoir as different from writing other genres of books?
Writing a true story is much harder then writing a book. A memoir has many different emotions attached to it. As some would think that writing a memoir or Biography would be easier . I can tell you from writing this book that is not the case.
Author Bio:
I was born and raised in Chicago Illinois. The only child from divorced parents. Growing up I lived a very sheltered life.
From the time I was a little girl I was raised in and out of Hair salons mainly because of my mother who was a Nail technician and would take me to work with her . The first dollar I ever made was folding towels for her boss. I still have that dollar to this day. I had many jobs growing up from babysitting , to waitressing, to working in an intimate apparel store. I think the most interesting of all was working for an adult entertainment store selling sex toys and apparel. . I became engaged to my first love when I was 17. He was my back door neighbor and a marine stationed in Ocean Side California. Most of our relationship was long distance mainly of phone calls and letters unless he came in to visit me. I left high school in my sophomore year and attended night school . After graduation I followed my dream and went to Cosmetology School where I graduated top of my class.
By the time I was 21 I had outgrown my relationship and broke off the engagement. I knew there were things that I wanted to do and see and being tied down was not one of them. From 21 to 25 I lead a very exciting life of travel, romance, and working as a manager for a major Hair corporation. I was happy and content but I knew something was missing from my life. When I met Jake I was managing a salon in a local mall. I remember that day like it was yesterday. He came in to get his hair cut fixed after it had been cut earlier that day. Jake worked as a Personal trainer at the gym in the mall. He was egotistical and could not stop talking about himself and his muscles. I found him pompous and arrogant. But as pompous of a jerk as he was , he was quite handsome , very muscular, and had the most gorgeous blue eyes I had ever seen. When he looked at you it was as if you were looking into the ocean. As the weeks went by Jake pursued me like a hunter goes after his prey little by little wearing me down.
From the very beginning Jake was a roller coaster ride of emotions. He could be sweet and charming then turn on you like a dog. Our relationship was toxic from start to finish. There were other woman that he cheated on me with, along with lies, deceit, and betrayal. There was incredible passion, lust, and sex He was controlling, manipulative and verbally abusive. Jake always professed he loved me but his love in time became stifling, and obsessive. He had to know where I was , who I was with ,and when I would be back. He would come to work and sit with me every day to see who I was talking to and to make sure I wasn’t being too friendly. He trusted know one and barely let me in to his world. I found out things about Jake that I never knew. His being in prison. His temper, his drug addiction to cocaine and me. No one understood the power or control Jake possessed over my heart. A spell some would say that could not be broken. More like an addiction I would say. I was Jake’s drug and he was mine. As much as we fought we couldn’t get enough of each other.
After being with Jake about a year I uprooted my life and moved to the country where he lived. I found. As time went on I went from being this sweet naïve girl into something I could barely recognize. I began to live Jake’s life. Days would go by that I didn’t sleep or eat. Sometimes I would wake up to find Jake was gone. It could be days before he would return again. Jake’s constant torment and verbal abuse began to take its toll on me. I became thinned and weak. I was his puppet and he was my master. The first time we broke up Jake went crazy smashing things calling constantly leaving me harassing messages or texts. He was possessed with the thought of my not being there. Every fight lead to a red rose. Jake always knew how to get me to take him back but when I did he would punish me and make me out to be the bad guy. It was always my fault as to why I left never his. The years that followed Jake became psychotic and physically abusive. The fear I felt was like nothing I had ever felt before. I was terrified to do anything to upset him. I saw things that I only thought occurred in the movies, drug deals, arrests, car chases, burglary, shootings, violence . Jake had a temper and when he was angry you could feel his wrath. One night we got into a fight and I left to go stay by my families house. I received a text from Jake it was a picture of my dog laying in the backyard. I could see something from the rear view mirror in the backseat. Not knowing what it was I lifted the bag and inside was a dead dog’s head covered in blood. This is the torture I endured during my relationship with Jake. Sometimes I never knew who or what I was living with. The deeper into drugs he got the worse off things were between us.
As months flew by I did all I could to get away from Jake but no such luck. Fear kept me prisoner it was only when he released me was I truly free. Jake and I finally ended after 5 long tormenting years. At that point I started a whole new life. A new job bartending,, a new apartment and even a new relationship things were going really well for me. I was happy and what I thought free. Free of the drama and psychosis that was Jake. I still was not back to myself entirely. The abuse took its toll on me and I was never quite the same . I later found out that I was suffering from P.T.S.D. (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) a condition I had no clue I had. Things were finally falling into place I even began to date again. I no longer was hiding behind the pain I was finally able to show my face once again to the world. It wasn’t until I started dating again that I realized just how much under Jake’s control I truly was.
I think the night my life completely changed was in September of 2008. Jake broke into my apartment beating me to a bloody pulp and leaving me for dead. I suffered from two black eyes, a head concussion, broken ribs, a sprained wrist, busted nose, lip and jaw, and bruises to every part of my body. And memory loss from the severe blows to the back of my head. From that point on my life was never the same again. The hardest part was looking in a mirror or the way my body looked after the attack. I felt ugly and damaged broken inside. I was bed ridden for over 6 months. If it hadn’t been for my dog I probably would never have gotten out of bed. But something inside began to take over and a strength came over me I didn’t think I had. I began to fight, fight for my rights as a battered woman and fight to bring this man to justice. Since Jake jumped off the balcony and escaped he was at large. This is when I set up my plan to bring him out of hiding. Every day the hate and venom towards Jake grew. Knowing he was free and living his life while I nearly succumbed to mine. I knew that if I wanted to get justice and bring this man to his knees by throwing him in jail I would have to do something drastic. So I set up a stake out and literally made him think I still loved him and would take him back. Once Jake was arrested I felt a sigh of relief to know he was no longer walking free but in a n 8×10 cell in a cage with bars where he belonged.
As time passed my fight continued. I became a huge domestic violence advocate for abused woman. I volunteered my time working in shelters and helping in the food pantry to raise money for battered woman. Even though Jake took a huge part of me away that night and my life was never the same, in some ways my life was better. I appreciated things and people more. I found my voice which had been so hidden for so many years and I learned to say no. I was no longer a controlled and manipulated puppet. Jake was my biggest mistake but he was also the best lesson I ever learned. The first year of recovery was hell mentally and physically. I had to deprogram myself from Jake. I suffered from nightmares for the first two years and insomnia something which I still suffer from occasionally. Being unable to take care of myself at that time I had to move home so my family could take care of me. With every day I heal a little more. This book was a self therapy of my thoughts and feelings. What started out as jotting down in a journal for cathartic purposes has turned into the biggest dream come true for me. The purpose of the book is to show that I am no longer a victim but a survivor. I learned as the years went by that there is a light at the end of what was the darkest (passage) of my life.
Three years later every day is a new day. A new beginning for happiness or whatever life brings. I truly believe that My faith in g-d and my spiritual belief has gotten me through so much. I realize how important friends and family really are and how precious life really is. There is still so much I want to see and do and accomplish in my life. It’s as if I was given a second chance. Yes a part of me died that night but another part lived to tell her story.
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